Crushed
by lindsayandhalstead
Summary: She can't do this without him. Without them. They're Erin and Jay. Halstead and Lindsay. She doesn't want to live in a world where he doesn't exist.


**A/N: I'm appreciating all the reviews you guys have been leaving!**

 **This was based off a prompt I got on tumblr (hurt Jay). I'd like to thank my friend Klara for all the help with the crush syndrome and other the medical complications that take place in this fic.**

 **Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

They were interviewing witnesses.

It was a bank robbery gone wrong. Erin had gone out, along with Voight and Ruzek, to meet the CEO of the bank, and ask him a couple of questions. The rest stayed inside to interview the rest of the witnesses.

Jay, Antonio and Al are still inside when the blast of the explosion penetrates her ear. The building in front of them blows up, and she vaguely registers Ruzek pushing her to the ground. A second later, she screams.

She's not the only one. Chaos breaks out, the sound of sirens somewhere in the distance. That will be the first responders rushing to help.

When they scramble to their feet, Adam's eyes meet hers for a second, communicating without words. Her world comes to a halt, when a visibly shaken Antonio and Al join them, asking if Jay is here. Her heart stops. The colours fade to black and white and she doesn't hear the questions. She doesn't feel the worried hands on her shoulders. She doesn't feel.

The painless numbness is replaced by penetrating pain so strong it almost knocks her off her feet. She thinks she can hear herself say 'no'. But she can't crumble. Not when her partner needs her. She goes for the building, but strong arms stop her altogether. Voight. He pushes her back lightly, but firmly, and she stands there, when she should be doing something.

She pales at the thought of losing her partner, but she stays there, holding it together, because she will not allow herself to think like that. Because Jay is alive. There is no way she found the love of her life just to lose him like this.

The unit is talking about something, but she doesn't register anything until the paramedic comes to tend to the cut on her head. She lets them do the work, while her fingers draw blood with the strength with which they dig into her palms.

She feels strong arms on her shoulders all of the sudden, and she realizes the fire department must have arrived too, because Severide and Herrmann are there.

"If he's under, we'll find him," Herrmann promises and she nods, a flicker of hope appearing in her dead eyes. People say that when you die, life flashes before you, so she thinks she might be dying, because all she can see is Jay.

Jay teasing her about the sex club. Jay in a suit, escorting her to her high school reunion. Jay opening the door with a smile on his face when she showed up that first night they spent together. Jay pushing a beer into her hand and cuddling her against him on the couch. Jay, looking at her with a broken heart, telling her she made him a better cop. Jay.

He's everywhere and she doesn't know how her life could go on, if he was simply gone. Her unit is around her, visibly shaken and worried about her. About him. Antonio sits down on the back of an ambulance with her, letting her lean on him.

"They're going to find him."

"Alive," he adds when she opens the mouth to protest. He stands up to be replaced by Voight, and it's when the older man's arms wrap around her that she truly breaks. The sobs she lets out hurt. They hurt her throat, and her chest, and her head.

Hank holds her close, while her mind travels to places she never thought she'd go. Because he's Jay. And he's always there. He's the one that always makes her feel better. And now, he's not.

She can't do this without him. Without them. They're Erin and Jay. Halstead and Lindsay. She doesn't want to live in a world where he doesn't exist.

* * *

Jay wakes up with gasp, inhaling some of the smoke and dust surrounding him. His vision blurs and then clears as he realizes that he must be the luckiest guy on Earth. The building has collapsed, and he got away with most of it.

Then he realizes that his right leg is trapped under a piece of the building. Something that looks like and feels a lot like piece of the ceiling. He manages to sit up and tries to move the piece, but to no avail. It's heavy, and it's keeping him here, while he should be getting out to Erin. An instant fear for her wellbeing enters his mind, and he knows he won't be able to shake it.

He hears the calls of the firemen, the sound of the tools. He swallows the pain and the tiredness and tries again. The block of concrete moves, inch by inch, and, when it's off, he groans. The pain washing over him is so immediate, and so unexpected it brings tears to his eyes. He sees white.

He focuses on breathing in and out, because the pain he is feeling is easily taking his breath away. Then as soon as it came, the pain is gone and he feels fine. A sigh of relief escapes his lips and he gets to his feet carefully. It feels fine. He doesn't feel dizzy or anything, so he continues to find a way out.

"Help," somebody whispers. He turns around to see a young woman, also trapped under the debris. She looks far worse than him, and he can't just leave her.

"Hey, relax. I'm Jay. It's going to be okay," he promises, without any knowledge of what's really going to happen. But the woman looks so scared. He sits down beside her.

"I'm Tracey," she murmurs with difficulty and attempts to smile. Her face is stained with tears and dust, but he can see that she is beautiful and her kind eyes shine through the dust. He talks to her, calming her down, while trying to get her out from under the heaviness that's crushing her body. He knows he won't be able to help her on his own. It's too much, and he's just one person. So, he does the only thing he can do.

He yells for help, hoping somebody out there is going to hear him.

But they don't. The sound of heavy machines overpowers his voice. Not giving up, he screams until his voice gets hoarse. Finally, when he's feeling more tired than ever, the sound of machines dies, and he can hear the callouts near them.

They have to wait for the firemen to make a hole through the debris, but it doesn't take long. He knows these men. They work hard and they are efficient. Herrmann whistles with relief when he sees him climb out from the other side. "You are one lucky kid. Your partner is going to be so relieved too."

"Thanks, Herrmann. There is a girl trapped inside."

"We'll get her out, no worries. Go find your detective."

Jay thanks him, and, with the help from Casey, he gets the hell out of there.

* * *

Minutes feel like hours. Or maybe they do sit there for hours, she's not sure. There are a couple of shouts, and her head shoots up. She pushes through the crowd of people. Most of them are first responders, and some of them are the spectators.

She can feel herself running.

Then he's there and he's so alive she wants to cry. At some point, she realizes she is crying, but it doesn't matter, because that's the moment she lunges herself into his arms, almost knocking both of them over. She breathes in his familiar scent, mixed with the smell of smoke.

"Erin," he murmurs into her ear, but she refuses to let go.

"I thought I lost you."

"Never," he promises, while the rest of the unit reaches them. She takes a step back to take him in. She sees some blood, and the black smudges on his skin. She sees the bruising, already starting to surface on his pale skin.

Voight reaches Erin and nods to Jay. "Glad to see you're okay. I had to use all my strength to keep her from running after you," he says and laughs with relief. Jay joins him, laughing.

Erin watches him, sees his eyes roll back. Then his body hits the floor. She screams for help, and the next minute Gabby is next to them, kneeling down next to Jay, taking his vitals.

"Herrmann said his leg was crushed by the debris, it's a possible crush syndrome," Gabby explains as they carefully lay him on a backboard. "Guys, I need that ambo. Now!" She turns to Erin. "You can ride in the back, if you want." Her voice is serious and she can't hide the worry in her eyes as they load Jay into an ambulance. She takes his hand, praying to a God she never believed in, to save the man she loves.

"He passed out because of the hypovolemic shock. We have to maintain fluid balance," she explains as she gets a line in. Sylvie is already driving to the hospital. Erin's mind races with all the possible scenarios, and she doesn't even allow herself to go to the darkest place.

"Damn," Gabby murmurs after a few seconds. "Blood rate is still dropping. How much time?" She yells to Sylvie in the front and gets an answer. Five minutes.

"Call in Med that he has compartment syndrome. Tell them to be ready for surgery."

"Surgery?"

"Erin, I'm not going to lie to you, okay? It doesn't look good. He seems to have the compartment syndrome, which means the fluids are not helping. They're not getting to his blood," she explains, as understandably as she can. "He's going to need surgery."

"But he's going to be okay?"

There is no answer from Gabby's side. Erin squeezes his hand, remembering how just seconds ago, he was laughing with them. His hand is warm, and she takes comfort in knowing that though maybe she will one day have to exist in a world with no Jay Halstead, but today is not that day. Not yet. She refuses to accept it.

* * *

She's standing outside of the operating room. The only reason she's allowed to be there at all is because Jay is Will's brother. Will is currently sitting on the floor, not saying a word.

She updates the unit, but she still doesn't know much. Except that it's serious.

She can see the OR through the glass; can see Jay lying on the table. Will gets up with a sigh and looks through as well. He's not allowed in there either. Jay being a close relative, Will isn't allowed anywhere near his case. In this scenario, he is just what Erin is−family, sitting in the waiting room, hoping that the doctor delivers good news and not bad.

But as a doctor of this hospital, he has certain privileges, which is why Erin and him are allowed to be waiting here, and not ordered to stay in the waiting room. It's hard enough as it is.

* * *

"Potassium levels are still growing. Going up." The nurse standing next to the surgeon keeps eying the machine with worry.

"Still going up. V-Fib!"

"Defibrillate. Charging to 200. Clear!"

"Still nothing. Charge again."

* * *

"What's going on, why are they… No, no, no. Please." Erin feels a heavy weight on her chest, as if her heart decided it wasn't going to work anymore if his fails. She barely notices the tears staining her cheeks as she clings to Will desperately. He turns her away from the window, muffling her sobs by pulling her against his chest. He's unable to comfort her more than that, as he feels his own heart breaking too.

She tears herself away and presses her head on the cold glass, presses her hands on it too. It can all be summed up in one little word.

 _Please._

Please don't let Jay die. Please don't let him leave me. They haven't had enough time yet, there is so much more she wants. There's not enough time.

 _Please._

* * *

"Got a pulse."

* * *

She hears Will exhale sharply and lets her hands slide down the glass. If she struggles, she can see the heart monitor through her tears, and it's showing normal rhythm.

"Hey, it's okay. He's okay."

A doctor comes out after. She's not sure how much later. Hours probably.

Will quickly introduces them before asking for an update. "Hey, Claire. Erin, this is Claire Morgan, she's one of the newest staff members."

Erin nods her head and waits.

"He gave us quite a scare, but he seems to be stable now. We've dealt with the compartment syndrome. We'll continue to monitor him, of course, but I am very optimistic."

"Optimistic?" She's not even sure why she's asking, but she needs to know exactly what this means.

"A highly likely full recovery," Claire smiles. "It's going to take some time before he goes catching bad guys again, but this could have ended a lot worse."

"Thank you," Erin murmurs and feels the weight lift off her chest. "When can I see him?"

"They're taking him to the ICU, so not for a while. But I'm sure we could make an exception?" She eyes Will, who has been awfully quiet and he nods.

"Thanks, Claire." She saved his brother's life, and for that alone she deserves his respect.

* * *

She's in the waiting room. Will told her, he would come and get her, as soon as she was allowed to see Jay. She paces up and down, nodding at some of the familiar faces. Maggie brings her a cup of tea, which feels like balm to her sore throat.

"Excuse me, but I think I saw you with Jay before?"

She turns and sees a young woman. She nods in reply and watches her smile.

"I'm Tracey," she explains. "He saved my life. I just wanted to make sure he was okay."

Of course, he saved someone's life. After all these years, Erin couldn't believe she could still be surprised by her boyfriend's heroism and urge to help people. She smiles back, because Jay would want her to. "They say he is going to be fine," she says vaguely.

"Will you tell him thanks? I wouldn't have made it without him. I was panicking and he helped me stay calm."

"I will. I promise."

With a final nod, the woman walks away down the hall, and Erin can't help but think how in the midst of saving everyone's life, Jay had managed to save hers as well.

* * *

She's crouched forward in the plastic hospital chair, trying to find a comfortable position. Her daydream dissolves before her eyes, as Will slides into the chair next to her and slides a cup of coffee into her hand. A sip of the hot beverage reminds her there are still good things in the world and she relishes in the warmth.

"When I saw that building go down…" She can't force herself to finish the sentence, her voice breaks when she remembers it.

"I can't imagine," he confesses. The truth is, that between them, they're the ones who love Jay the most. Sure, everyone else loves him, but it's them two, and maybe Mouse, that know and love Jay the most.

Her breath catches when she sees Natalie walking towards them. But she's smiling.

"He's okay, we've done some more tests and scans for a possible head injury, but there appears to be no further damage. His potassium levels have dropped to a normal level too."

"So, he's stable and out of danger?"

"Yes, Will. He's fine. Awake even. Desperately asking for Erin," she chuckles and walks them both to Jay's room. Will stays behind for a second and Nat shoots him a confused look.

"Not going in?"

"They need some privacy," he murmurs. "She just nearly lost the love of her life. I can wait."

* * *

"Erin," he murmurs. Then she is by his side. His hand reaches out to touch her tear-stained face. His other hand reaches for hers, and he squeezes it to prove to her that he's okay.

Her head is resting on his shoulder, and she's breathing in his scent, and she's home. An amazing feeling of safety and comfort washes through her and she knows it's him. He is home.

"I thought I lost you," she whispers. Words, barely audible, echo in the empty room. She is painfully aware that this is the second time she has said these words in the past 48 hours. His fingers caress her hair, enjoying the fact that she's so close to him that he can hear every word and feel every move.

"I couldn't leave you. God knows what kind of trouble you'd get in without me," he chuckles, but it hurts, so he stops.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They stay like that for hours, taking solace in the fact that this time, they got lucky.

* * *

"Doctor is saying I can leave today," he grins at her and she rolls her eyes.

"He also said you need to take it slow," she reminds him, but there is no arguing with him when he's acting like a toddler.

"But I can go home. Today. Home."

She laughs at his enthusiasm. Hating hospitals herself, she can understand the sentiment pretty well.

"Well, still, bed rest for you for weeks to come. Then maybe, we can talk about desk duty."

"What? No way. I'm coming back tomorrow," he assures her with horror in his voice.

"No. No way."

"I'll talk to Voight," he argues very loudly.

"I have already talked to Voight about it, and he agrees with me."

He stops after that, knowing it's useless fighting with her, especially if Voight has already signed off on it. "Fucking nepotism," he murmurs, and she chuckles lightly in reply. At least he'll be safe for a couple of days.

* * *

"Maybe you could stay home with me," he whispers suggestively the next day, when she's getting ready for work. Erin shakes her head at him, incredulously.

"We're already short-handed," she apologizes. His half naked body is sprawled over the bed as he watches her. "My loss though," she murmurs, and means it. Her mouth waters at the sight of him, and she knows he's sore, and probably won't be able to do certain things for a while, but damn, she misses it already.

"When you get home," he teases and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm not going to be responsible for sending you back to the hospital," she mutters and finally manages to button up her blouse right. The sight of him proves to be somewhat distracting, so she turns towards the closet while dressing.

"You haven't been sleeping well," he notices. He is still on pain medication, which causes him to sleep through the night like a baby. He's fairly sure he wouldn't have woken up if a hurricane hit Chicago. But it's impossible to miss the dark circles under her eyes. She has been masking it with smiley smiles, but she can't fool him.

"Yeah," she admits without elaborating further and avoids eye contact.

"Why?"

She mumbles something and hopes that he'll drop it, but it's Jay.

"What's going on?" He asks louder, sitting up on the bed. He should still be resting, so she shoots him a dirty look and as per usual, he shoots her one back. Two can play that game.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" He inquires with a tone of concern.

"Why aren't you lying down?" She snaps back, but he only looks at her further, disarming her.

"I have nightmares," she admits.

"About what?"

"About you. Dying right in front of me."

Will had filled Jay in on what happened during the surgery. How his heart arrested. How he nearly died. But he hadn't realized the toll this has left on Erin. Jay knows that she was there when it happened. Behind the glass window, praying for his life. He knows all of it, because he dragged it out of his brother. Not because she shared it with him.

"I know it was a close call," he murmurs gently. "I know it's hard, but I'm here. I'm half crippled, and I can't make love to my own girlfriend, but I'm alive."

He pulls her closer and lays her hand on his bare chest. She feels the heart beating underneath her skin. His heart. Slow and steady. She swallows hard, and uses her free hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. She nods.

"Yet," she smiles.

"What?"

"You can't make love to your girlfriend yet."

He smirks and pulls her onto his lap, where she carefully readjusts herself, so she doesn't press on his legs. His lips linger on hers in a lazy kiss, and again she finds herself thanking whatever greater force there is.

* * *

"How was the doctor's appointment?" She asks when she wanders through the door. She is hoping for good news. It's been months since the accident, and Jay has been driving her crazy lately. A patient with a lack of patience. Even though he has been allowed on desk duty for a couple of weeks now, he was still insufferable about coming back to full duty.

"I got a clean bill of health," he confirms, grinning. She smiles and squeals a second later when he takes the two strides across the room to get to her, and picks her up theatrically. She wraps her legs around his waist. "I can also, apparently, make love to my girlfriend now."

She whimpers at his words. It has been a while since they've been together. They have gotten pretty resourceful without getting too wild, but she misses him. She misses the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by him.

Her lips part to say something witty, and he uses the opportunity to kiss her. Their lips melt together like hot metal. Her skin is on fire beneath his exploring fingers. She feels her back hit something hard−a wall? But it doesn't matter, because after weeks of yearning, his hands are finally on her again. She leans back to give him better access and his lips take advantage, ravaging her neck.

He fills his hands with her. Her skin, her curves. There is no time to be gentle. He has had to be gentle for too long.

The moan she lets out sends a rush of blood straight to his groin. He quickly discards his shirt, helping her pull hers off as well. For a second he thinks they might be able to make it to the bedroom, but she's wearing a bra made of black lace, and he knows this will have to do. He only sets her down long enough for both of them to undress, and then he's lifting her up again and shoves a hand between her legs. Erin throws her head against the wall, panting. They both know this will be over quickly. They have been starving for it, far too long.

"Jay. Fuck," she murmurs, at loss for words. Her skin feels on fire and the need she feels is actually causing her physical pain. "Now."

Realizing she is more than ready, he abandons all pretenses of civility and slams into her with reckless abandon. The pace he sets is wild, even for their standards. But after being deprived of it for weeks, months even, he can't hold back.

She grips his hair to steady herself. The wall is hard against her tender back, but she doesn't feel pain. Just an insane pleasure, every single time he plunges deeper into her.

Then he feels her exploding, coming apart in his arms, and he follows her with a strangled sound of her name on his lips. Their foreheads press together, feeling their heavy breaths on each other's faces.

Then they make it to the bedroom. And do it all over again.

The last thought he remembers before passing out is that the wait was totally worth it.

* * *

He comes back to work the next day, and she finally gets her partner back too. And though the nightmares may be gone, they both remember how fragile life is and how important it is to tell the people you love them, while you still can.

So they tell each other. Every day.


End file.
